I wrote this Forever ago, I just Never had the courage to post it.

I've never really had a "plan" for myself.


Running away from my problems was the easiest

thing I could and would always do...

I can say I've never been "'normal" In fact, I've always

been anything but that. I never wanted to face the


reality of anything. Just a young girl back then, sitting here


as a mature teenager. I could have never rebelled


thinking it would make everything worse, i always thought


of the consequences, for that I was young but clever.


Back then i thought you were my hero, wow, I


can't believe i actually thought that! For that i was


brainless. I would always wonder were all the


dilemma & distress came from, i never thought it was


from you. Now i know... I would pray for you,


my prayers kept you in my life.


But then you turned your back on me and them,


that caused me to have no trust, in anyone, not even in


myself. I'm scarred to show emotion to someone i


really love and care about,its hard, i guess


im not the type to open up as easy as another


person. I went on to have sleepless nights


thinking about you, days, months, years passed. No sign of you.


I stopped praying. The faith was dead, I still love you,dad...


Even though you haven't been present in my life.


We made it without you, i wonder if i stood beside you today,and


 you


would see how well im doing. I wonder if you would feel like


crap knowing you weren't part of it.


The tragedies i've been put through


have been worth it. I know the


dangers of the world and what it can cause...


I always seem to push loved ones away, the scarriest thing for


me is to actually be Loved.


Everyday is a risk i am willing to take.


Everyone has to go through something,


i mean a human being can't be perfect...


[We all know that]


My dreams, my thoughts are yet to


be discovered. Im scarred for the next


chapter in my life, but im ready for it.


One day ill get my freedom, and get my


justice... Ill prove to everyone and everything


who doubts me, sounds cliche, but i will.

P.s

One more thing, I'll never
have peace...
Who knows when your
going to be gone and you
didn't even make the effort
to find me.